If you don't like me, you can just jog on.

Dating is a minefield, right?

I am a child of Cosmopolitan, Glamour and Company, and because of this I have been operating under ridiculous dating rules, trying to present myself as someone entirely different, in the vain hope that my date will think me worthy of seeing again. Here are four of the main things I have been repeatedly guilty of:

1)      Expecting the guy to pay for the first date.

Looking back at this, my main question is ‘why?’ I guess the only reason I have ever done this is because I have never thought to question the logic of ‘the man always pays’. However, this is not only disrespectful to him, it is also disrespectful to me. It is beginning things on an unequal basis, expecting the man to pay purely because he is a man. Now I don’t want to come across all scary feminist about this, and I know we all like to be treated by others, but if this is one of your basic dating rules, I suggest you ask yourself the question: why?  Is it because you love a free meal, (granted, that is definitely part of it) or because you have never considered any other way that dates could be conducted?

2)      Pretending I don’t eat as much as I actually do.

I’m going to let you all into a little secret; I have eaten entire meals before going to restaurants for dates. This is mainly because I have a huge appetite for my size, and I don’t want to seem ‘unladylike’ when I manage three huge courses- the middle one usually involving the largest and most unhealthy thing on the menu. I have now come to the conclusion that, if I am serious about being with the person I am on a date with, they will probably see me consume vast amounts of junk food in the future.

3)      Being very careful not to let my real personality ‘shine’ through.

This one is so tough, especially if you are like me: gobby, opinionated and extremely hyper. So often I have found myself dumbing elements of my personality down, not sharing my real views and pretending I am a lot less loud than I actually am. Logically however, it is best that these character traits come out early, and not several weeks down the line when my poor date realises quite what they have got themselves into! `

I actually love politics! Oh, what the heck - I’m one of those crazy people that enjoys reading and discussing voting behaviour in depth. So often I find myself pretending that I don’t in order not to scare my date off. But that is patronising to both them and me. Obviously, social etiquette dictates I shouldn’t rattle on about politics for hours but, assuming that they won’t understand what I’m talking about (or won’t be interested in it) demeans both of us. And, let’s face it, my two favourite subjects are religion and politics so: screw yourself societal rules of conversational etiquette! Dates are there for you to start to get to know the other person so, if you are pretending to be the kind of person you think that they will want, things will crash and burn later on!

I remember a very patronising conversation where a man I was on a date with felt the need to explain Iambic Pentameter to me in great depth, despite the fact that I a) knew what it was, and b) was also an English Lit A-Level student. But I let him explain it to me anyway, so as not to seem too ‘smart’. Because no one likes a smart girl, right? Plus, he was paying and I didn’t want to offend him.

4)      Dressing up for the date.

Now if you tend to make a huge effort on your appearance day-to-day, this doesn’t really apply to you. But if you are like me, and see brushing your hair as an added effort that you normally forget to do, then dressing up for a date might not be advisable. We all love to get ready for things, but if ‘getting ready’ means that you go above and beyond what you normally bother with, then you are simply presenting an image of yourself that will be hard to keep up if this date leads to anything like, oh I don’t know, a relationship.

On my most recent date I put these new guidelines into action. Despite my sister’s plea of “Nicki, you need to make some kind of effort!”, I went to my date in jeans, a t-shirt and just mascara. I spoke about the fact that Christianity is important to me, went into detail about political topics I enjoy, and paid my share. Because, quite frankly, if you are with me, this is how I am, this is what I am interested in, and this is what I look like on a daily basis. (basically scruffy and bare faced) 

For the first time ever I was actually myself, and it was liberating.

Oh, and I think I may have mentioned the word feminism at least six times!