I dream of self-esteem

By Nicki Fudge

Shall we be honest with ourselves for a second? We have ALL struggled from low self esteem about the way that we look. Some of us hide it behind layers of makeup, extensive wardrobes and multiple hair products. Others take the opposite route, and develop a spiky attitude that screams ‘I REALLY don’t care what you think of my appearance’, whilst hiding their body and their face behind baggy clothes and deliberate lack of effort.

So here are three ways in which I tackled my own total hatred of my physical appearance which, although it hasn't completely gone away (I still get a few days every month where I can’t stand how I look),  has now changed from something that regularly used to dominate my thoughts, to feeling laughably irrelevant to my general life.

#1

I stopped reading Cosmopolitan and started reading The Economist.

Simple right? Exchange a publication that actively encourages you to self-analyse your clothes, face, body, relationships and friendships for one that talks about events that are happening around the world. Changing what you read,watch and do encourages you to see beyond ‘you’.

Now I begrudgingly admit that we don’t all enjoy reading political publications, but everyone has hobbies that lie outside of self improvement of their physical appearance. Actively get involved in them. Keep looking outside of your own parameters and how you feel about your appearance will shrink in significance.

I remember the one piece of advice our head of sixth form gave to us on our final day of school. I thought that it was going to be along the lines of “Go for your dreams girls! Don’t let anyone hold you back!”, but instead she told us simply to stop reading magazines. At the time I inwardly laughed at her whilst looking at her ill-fitting trouser suit and thinking, “Well you CLEARLY don’t take fashion advice from magazines”. Looking back now- I’m sure that she was right.

#2

I started reading Vagenda blog. This is, if I’m honest, more aimed at young women than men. It is a completely excellent blog though, and pretty much just points and laughs at things that our society takes far too seriously. Vagenda helped me start to build my self esteem back up by highlighting weird societal rules that we take as ‘truth’.  These (very subtle)rules tell us how we should look and behave in order to be successful women and reading Vagenda has taught me to laugh at them, and throw them to the back of my mind.

#3

I started actually listening to what the bible has to say on physical appearance. Pretty much, it reinforces the idea that LOOKS AREN’T IMPORTANT.

In Legally Blonde, Elle helpfully describes Cosmopolitan as ‘the bible’. EXCUSE ME? I’m not angry about that because I am Christian, I am angry because that publication sends the polar opposite message to people.

Magazines tell you to self analyse- that things like good hair, clothes and body will make you happy. The bible says that looks aren’t important, but that being kind, generous, honest and strong is. Whether you are religious or not, I think it is an incredibly healthy and productive benchmark to set.

Let’s be morbid for a second. Beauty is fleeting- but kindness, patience, and being fun to hang around really isn’t. I’d much rather be remembered as being a whirlwind of joy than having a great wardrobe and flawless hair.

I think our societal priorities are completely messed up, and it is making us all unhappy.

In order for this last point to be implemented in a way that will help people who aren’t religious is if we start write down important behavioural qualities that we want to exhibit every day and stick them on our mirror.

I.e. If you stare into the mirror and think, ‘URGH my teeth!’ or, ‘Why are my eyebrows wonky?’ or ‘That spot on my nose is as big as a second nose’ you can look upwards to where it says:

‘Today I am going to be kind,honest,loving and strong’

Why? Because if we start to focus upon the world around us, how we behave towards others, and begin laughing about things that society tries to force us to care about, I reckon we’d all be a lot more comfortable in our own skin. Oh, and much better company!